We all know now that the misquote attributed to Susan Faludi that a woman over 40 is as likely to get killed by a terrorist as she is to get married, wasn’t ever statistically accurate and still isn’t despite George Bush and Blair’s international policy and war on terror. Although personally having been on the tube last summer when the London bombs were going off it seems less farfetched to me than it might have done a few years ago. I also now think my chances of meeting someone seem unbelievably remote.

I am over 40 – actually well into my late 40s – unmarried, childless, educated to degree level and with a reasonably good job. I’m not hideous, I’m not a bankrupt, I don’t have a criminal record and I don’t have a bed covered in soft toys. I can be amusing and I’m capable of holding a conversation. I’m kind to children and animals and I like most of my family. On the negative side I’m a stranger to the hair straighteners and can be a little bit acidic at times. Men always describe me as “intelligent” which I think is shorthand for "wears glasses".

For the past three years I have been Internet dating. To say that it has been a difficult experience is something of an understatement. Recently I have found it so painful I’ve taken my profile down and allowed my subscription to run out.

A few weeks ago I was contacted by a guy called Greg. I didn’t hold out much hope about him as he lives in a city that is as far away from London as it is almost possible to be, while still being in England. We exchanged a few emails and arranged to meet at the beginning of August. He told me he was in London quite a lot because of work and the fact that he supported a London based football team.

So at the beginning of August I met Greg outside a tube station in Islington. We went for coffee and chatted easily for the hour, which we’d agreed we would limit our first meeting to, before going our separate ways. I liked him. I found him attractive. My instincts told me he was a person worth getting to know. I really hoped he felt the same way about me. I felt an unfamiliar stirring. It wasn’t lust though, it was hope.

The following day he emailed to say that he had liked me and I texted him and he texted me back and for the next two weeks we were in constant contact. He was more forthcoming than me but then I’m generally too reticent. I allowed myself to believe that something very good was about to happen to me. We agreed that we would meet up again this weekend, which was the first weekend he could come to London as he was going to Paris over the August bank holiday and was away at a film festival the following week.

The Tuesday after the bank holiday Greg emailed me to tell me about his weekend in Paris which was “interesting” and involved various mishaps on the journey but on the “upside” he went to a party on the Saturday night where he met a person he really liked and had sex with the person and he wondered if I would still want to speak to him?

I was devastated and fired off an email without really thinking about what I was saying. The following day I sent a more measured email which he replied to and I replied to his email saying that I would still like to meet up and that was the last I heard of him.

For the past 10 days I have been utterly miserable. One friend suggested anti-depressants, another recommended therapy and one, whose advice I’m taking, suggested doing lots of nice things where I might incidentally meet someone in a sort of random way.

(The reason that I was so upset with Greg is not because he had sex with someone but the fact that he told me about it and made me responsible for deciding whether or not I would still speak to him. Oh and that he destroyed my fantasy. My right to occupy the moral high ground was also somewhat compromised by the fact that I had sex with someone else that weekend as well but that’s another post).

The outcome of this sorry saga is not to point out what a complete shit Greg is because really I think he isn’t a shit – just insensitive, clumsy and cowardly – but the realisation that I really do genuinely want to be in a relationship.

The question is what to do now?