Aunt Aileen's Beau

A few months ago I went on holiday to Australia where I spent some time visiting my aunts. The youngest of them, Aileen, is in her late 60s and is quite an attractive woman. She is being pursued by one of her neighbours who is in his mid 50s.

I think Aileen is flattered by the attention of a younger man but is also quite disapproving of her suitor. She thinks he is bit mean and perhaps not totally honest.

"I don't know whether to believe a thing he says or not. He told me this big yarn about how he met a woman. Met her on the internet, if you don't mind, and we all know what that means."

Aileen gives us all a knowing look. I stare at my shoes and decide not to mention that almost everyone I know who has started a relationship in the last 3 years has done it via the internet - including me.

Aileen continues:

"So he arranges to meet your one and, as she lives really far away and as they were going to spend the day together, he leaves in the middle of the night to get there by breakfast time. When he finally arrives he asks if he can take a shower as he's all sticky from driving and she says yes and shows him where to go - and you'll never believe what happens next so you won't."

By this stage my cousin and I are shuffling in our seats not quite able to comprehend that it is our aunt telling this story.

"Well your man's in the shower and the next thing the hussy is in there with him and her only having met him 10 minutes before! 'What do you think you're doing?' he says and she replies 'Oh I just wanted to feel a man's body'."

My cousin and I are aghast.

"So!" says Aileen "Do you think your man was telling the truth?"

There is something very unseemly about having an Australian man's sexual fantasy relayed to you by an aunt who is soon to be 70.